Dear Mama

Written by Katarina Mladenovicova

Dear Mama, 

Sorry I ran away … I didn’t mean to leave without telling you but I just had to go. 

You would have asked all these questions, I myself don’t have the answers to …

Why now ? 

Where ? 

Can I come with you ? 

Are you gonna be safe all by yourself? 

 

I don’t know … I just needed to go 

 

The city is overwhelming. Lights, bars, trains, people, lights, people, trains, …

I can’t stay anymore. I need to reconnect you know …

Reconnect with myself

With nature

With the people around me. 

I need to find that purpose everyone talks about. 

Anyways, I went south and I’m ok. 

It’s so empty here … I mean, concrete still grows from the beaches and cars ride with the sounds of the waves but it’s still calmer …

The fact that it’s less chaotic than the city doesn’t help me think though 

It’s like the loudness of the city haunts me 

Or maybe it’s me … Maybe the chaos is in my head …

I thought I’d find peace here … I thought I would be less irritated by what surrounds me 

Guess what? It’s not working. 

The nature helped a bit at first, but then its immensity overwhelmed me as much as the urban chaos

Maybe I’m just scared to realize how insignificant we are

 

How small and  nonessential our lives are 

 

Nonessential …

 

You’re probably  angry and scared about me using that word 

I know … I am too

I’m so young, yet nothing seems to suffice 

Yes, I’m a happy person and yes some things awaken joy and ecstasy



 

But after that …

 

After that, every single thought goes in hurting me deeper and deeper

Every single question tries to redefine the things I thought I had figured out

Every single encounter challenges this self I intend to create

 

It really feels like I was made out of pieces of random puzzle boxes 

Pieces that will never fit 



But who doesn’t like puzzles, right?

 

I’m gonna go stare at the ocean for the fifth time today, I’ll send you the photos with the letter.

Oh and don’t worry

I’ll be ok.

-K.

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